Satisfactory.

This is the grade I got in the exams i thought I'd failed. it isn't even like 'good not great, could try harder', or 'better luck next time'. 'Satisfactory' is all you need to get through medical school. 'Satisfactory' is a PASS.
And thank god i satisfactorily gauged the amount of work required over Christmas, turned up with satisfactory Biro's and managed to satisfactorily work out which little box corresponded to a satisfactory answer.
Fair Enough. they don't want to start telling us were 'good' or anything. Heaven forbid you compliment anyone in my year for fear their heads may grow to a size that wont fit through the double doors that lead into the medical school...
BUT. Surely 'pass' is OK? i mean i know I'm getting picky about terminology but who wants a doctor that did what basically is 'o.k' at medical school? Were talking 'alright', 'adequate', 'not outstanding'..'unexceptional'....??
After satis comes Honours, then Distinction. You get honours points every time you get one of those and then at the end of your degree you get even more letters to put at the end of your name...Dr Doug Ross (par example) MbChB(Hons)...
I was in a lecture this morning and an HONOURS STUDENT was TALKING in the row behind me about how 'in the handbook it says honours points count even from the progress test even in first year even though the progress test doesn't count for anything'.
Firstly, SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Secondly, jeez Louise, you've only just STARTED. Its like collecting gold stars when the teacher hasn't even put up the chart.
Ive encountered many doctors in my 21 years. There were many present at my birth i believe. One was dragged from sleep and required to give my mother an epidural because i was taking my time entering the world (theres a theme here....birth, getting up at the weekend, getting a degree....all so long in coming..)
Mr P.J Witherow. A man who has morphed into someone who kind of resembles my uncle Pierre and father Christmas performed surgery on my club foot. twice. My GP Dr Spence is someone i have visited my entire life, he wrote the sick note when i had tonsillitis during my final A levels, he always asks about my family in England and abroad before he asks why I've come to visit, and he always sends his regards to everyone as i leave the door. This isn't to mention the many doctors I've encountered in the Accident and Emergency department when I've thrown myself off my bike and knocked my teeth out, slipped on some leaves and broken my wrist, caught a hard ball at netball and broken the other one, and this isn't even to mention the many Ju-Jitsu related injuries...
I encountered a very young lady doctor in A&E who saw my GP and announced that she had just moved there, but on some days she works a rotation in the hospital. Dr Janssen is so nice that i make a point of seeing her if spence isn't around because she seems like she cares.
The other doctor i remember from A&E is a guy, i don't remember his name or what he looked like, but i do remember that he was HOT. so lets imagine its doctor carter from E.R. I went in with the most disgusting, gammy, infected ankle from scuba diving in Thailand. Id caught some bug and it wouldn't go away, and whats more it was eating its way up the scar Mr Witherow had so beautifully made so indistinguishable on my left ankle. Dr McDreamy asked where I'd been and how the diving was and la la la if id enjoyed myself etc etc. This was 2 years ago. And yes, i don't remember all of the names, but i do remember their kind manners.
Equally, there are people that i remember who were horrible and dismissive and made me feel like i was time wasting, so thanks doctor so and so who said that my loose joints were something i had to live with. I KNOW theres nothing you can do about it but you could have been nicer. And thanks to the doctor who missed my vein 4 TIMES before admitting it had been a 'while' since he'd taken a blood sample. i GET that you don't do it all the time, but i was only 14 and that needle bloody hurt.


The thing I'm getting at here is even if i can remember the names of the doctors (sorry Mcdreamy, i wish i could cos id probably look you up on facebook if i could....!) i haven't a clue whether they were (Hons) or not. In fact if Mr Witherow was 'Satisfactory' (or even 'Low Pass') at med school id give him (Hons) just for his needlework, and Dr Janssen can have (Hons) for just being really easy to talk to, and McDreamy can have (Hons) in the looks dept......
If i come out of med school being nothing more than satisfactory, and i manage to go most days acting in a way that me personally would like a doctor to act, that's all i care about.....

Maybe I'd ask about the patient before the extended family. that would be satisfactory.

Marinade.

I got a text at 3am the other day. I was getting up at 6 to go on placement and NOT.IMPRESSED. it was my housemate Tom announcing they had found a rabbit in the road on the way home from wherever they had been intoxicating themselves, and had decided to 'rescue it'.
It’s in a box in our living room awaiting its collection by the RSPCA. They named it Gulliver because of its travels. I’ve named it Marinade.
I’ve done the hunter-gatherer thing before, set rabbit traps, watched my uncle ‘dispose’ of them (I say ‘dispose’; it was quite a lot more brutal than that. I’m pretty sure there was quite a lot of eye bulging going on…and that was just on his part.) And eaten said fluffy things in a stew...
On Monday I crunched through quite a few ribs (not mine obv...) and chopped out a human lung with my own hands…










Marinade’s days are numbered.

Blue 2, Bay J, JR

I never thought i would be disappointed at a fire drill that evacuates the library. It was 7pm and i had been fidgeting for all of 2 hours trying to engage brain with partial pressure gradients and the Laws of Doyle, Henry and Fick...I was actually getting on with it when the alarm went off and my friend Neelesh said it usually takes 40 minutes before they can let everyone back in. BOOOO.
It was snowing outside so i fought my way onto the rush hour bus heading home and did absolutely nothing for the rest of the night...
I don't know whats suddenly happened, maybe its going from having a case for the weekend, to having one Monday to Thursday but i seem to not have any time any more. It feels quite nice, i feel proper. if that makes sense.
I sit on blue 2 in bay J by the floorlength window so i can see everyone coming in and out...John Rylands, whoever he was, has had the library named after him, is referred to as though he were still alive e.g.
'Where are you going?'
'To see JR'..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Rylands
I spend monday afternoons, all day tuesday and wednesday in John's company. Ive started noticing regulars and everything. Lammmmeeee!

Apart from that, Ive started French which is good but i have to admit its hard getting back into it after 4 years and realising that you really arent very good anymore. Especially when 1 of the girls in the class speaks 5 languages, including French, pretty much fluently. WHY IS SHE THERE???????????

Today in Labs we got to be 'lab rats'- totally got to take loads of Salbutamol (aka asthma inhaler)...had to have full blood pressure/pulse etc checked by a doctor before i took it- my bp was 94/72, very low..and then we all got the shakes and thought it was really funny...Realised i take my inhaler totally wrong. whoopsss!!

Other things going on in my life include:

Glee- Sue Sylvester is AMAZING!! Theres something about that saccarine all american program that makes me happy.. Mondays at 8:55 involve me running down from the top of the house shouting 'GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' and then all 7 of us cramming onto our 3 2 person sofas to watch Mr Schu and the rest sing and dance and ruin their ever so comlicated lives. Its pretty much the only thing that brings the house together...our love of Fin and the other guy who plays football and who looks like he has had his hair waxed into a brazillian. on. his. head!
(ive got both soundtracks. im not even ashamed to admit that)

14 Tatton View, our house for next year. Seriously i trawled around 7 houses and i was pretty fed up and at my wits end when we stumbled across this little slice of perfection! its got a garden. with grass! not just a giant gravelly litter tray. in the garden is a bbq pit and a pagoda and trees with fairy lights and a sofa?!
Its got a rave basement with UV paint everywhere and one of those clothes racks that you hoist to the ceiling of the kitchen that reminds me of (very) happy times at my grannys. Its even got working fireplaces. not sure what genius decided that was a wise idea for a student house but anyway, i cant wait to move in!!

The Summer! Its ages away, but im going to central america for a month with my housemate Paul who is going to be in belize on a Zooooooology field trip ( they say field trip, i say holiday...we get 'trips' to hospitals. def not the same thing!) SO im going to meet him. i just bought a guidebook. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Also the Bestival line-up has been announced! VERY EXCITING ALSOOOOOO.
so apart from being so busy and tired i dont know what day it is (i constantly hope its friday) all is dandy in MTOWN.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Definition of Gerstmann-Straussler-Scheinker syndrome

A rare familial form of progressive dementia inherited in an autosomal dominant manner due to a mutant prion gene on chromosome 20pter-p12. Abbreviated GSS.



medicine.net
not me.
not yet.

Making Progress....

I have previously mentioned the progress test. dun dun duuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnn.
I don't know whose idea this was, but i think they need their head looking at. Basically the idea is that the ENTIRE medical school, all 5 years, sit 1 exam at the same time. The same exam.
So for a first year you are basically going to fail. and the 5th years should be passing. and if the next time you sit it you havent made progress, they consider throwing you off the course! WOOOOO!!
It turned out to be the most fun exam Ive ever done...this is what the questions are like:

A 43 year old woman dies after a long and debilitating illness. A post mortem examination is carried out, and a neuropathologist notes that the brain shows well-defined areas of demyelination on naked-eye examination
What is the most likely diagnosis?
A Alzheimer’s disease
B Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease
C Gerstmann-Straüssler-Scheinker syndrome
D Multiple infarcts
E Multiple sclerosis

The thing is with these questions is that the first years are meant to get SOME right, so despite the fabulous yet confusing red herring that is 'Gerstmann-Straüssler-Scheinker syndrome', we do all know that demyelination is generally a sign of E, Multiple sclerosis.

However, it is tricky to spot the ones you know from the ones that are in fact ridiculous, because we have no clinical training and the presentation of each question as a clinical case is slliiiightly offputting.

Others include-

You are a senior house officer on call when a 40 year old patient who is suicidal and known to be suffering from paranoid schizophrenia threatens to leave the hospital.
Under which section of the Mental Health Act can you detain this patient?
A 2
B 3
C 4
D 5
E 6

Trick to answering this one, Pick your favourite number.........
(answer: D)

I did take the exam seriously, and i did quite enjoy it because the lack of clinical now makes the end result of you being a doctor seem very far away. There was a point where my University Learned Knowledge failed me, and all i have to fall back on was 7 Seasons of E.R, Meridith Grey and Her Anatomy, House, my secret addiction that is BODYSHOCK (half tonne son/mom etc...) and when totally clutching at straws....Scrubs.
CSI wasnt at all useful, not even when dealing with BLUNT FORCE TRAMA....oh Horatio!

And when desparate and having to choose a drug to prescribe I picked the one that would sound best when screaming it across a trauma room with blood spurting in every direction.

I can see why they choose to examine us like this, but at the same time, it is incredibly demoralising to know you are going to sit an exam you cannot revise or prepare for and are expected to do badly in...

My favourite questions begin 'You are a senior house officer and your consultant calls you to prescribe...' because this is a little indication that IF you get through the exam, and all the subsequent ones, you WILL get there, and the medical school believes it, even if sometimes you dont.........

X-Ams. almost X-Mas. But rubbish.

Sooo, as previously mentioned, January is Exam season...woooo! Way to bring in the new year...Generally, until 3rd year you get the Semester Test and the Progress test. From 3rd year they see you as being competent if you don’t kill or terminally damage someone whilst on placement...Then you just sit the progress test and do the clinical skills (OSCES)
The semester exam is going to be the easiest we ever are going to take- technically they shouldn’t have given us anything impossible. The head of year 1 and 2 posted this on his blog (yes, he thinks he’s down with the kids...)
'For everyone who has worked hard this semester, the exam should be manageable. For everyone else, Good Luck'. Jammy bugger.
So I spent my new year filtering my notes, realising I had merely skimmed the depth required, and as for the breadth...don’t even go there.
That’s the thing with PBL; you just learn what you think you need to. SO if the case is about cystic fibrosis, a lay person would think that learning about cystic fibrosis would be the right thing to do...in fact its very much the WRONG THING.
You should learn about the genetics of passing it on, plus other examples of recessive disorders. The mechanism of passing it on. The physical mutation and others like it (deletion of a phenylalanine molecule...FYI)
Then you would learn about how molecules transport themselves/ are transported across membranes, the muco-ciliary escalator, the anatomy and physiology of the lungs. About opportunistic infections, which are most common?
About the pancreas, what meconium ileus is. What failure to thrive is...what would you give to supplement the diet? How would you manipulate the mucus out of the body....the psychological effect of having such a disease...what are the restrictions? Can a child go to school?
And on. And on. And on...
So, there were 8 of these cases to learn. Plus anatomy. And microbiology (yes if you don’t was your hands you will contaminate other things you touch. well done. have a merit) and the vile thing that is e4MED. This unspeakable infliction is in fact online statistical analysis of medical studies. Fascinating.
I have to say my worst experience last semester was sitting through 2 hours of e4MEd with the hangover from hell. Never. Ever. Again.

The semester exam was sat all together. I hate exams, I hate those people that swan in, biro behind their ear, and leave 20 minutes in, with that know all smirk, face saying 'you fools, only 5 questions in..'
This exam wasn’t at all like that. Body language said it all... people were really struggling, heads in hands, despair as we all wished we'd read the foot notes, that we had looked at the femoral triangle once more..(I’m sorry, what even IS the femoral triangle?)
Usually people stand around discussing what they put for question 57. This time, no. Within 3 minutes the place was like a ghost town, everyone ran away to mourn the loss of their summer holidays to resits...
Fair enough, the exam was a sneaky beast- we were specifically told that we wouldn’t be dealing with clinical content, and as far as i’m concerned having to decide which example women with breast cancer can have Tamoxifin or Herceptin is about as clinical as it gets....
But whatever. It’s done now...we just wait.........................

Wooooaaah, Wooaaahh, If you can't find the way........look to US

Christmas was brilliant. It wasn’t quite white on the day but afterwards it was like a million cloud sheep were sheared over Btown...
New Year is ALWAYS a flopppp, getting tickets for a B.I.G night relies on someone who is inevitably waiting on someone else....then it sells out and we're all disappointed. This year instead of night I booked tickets for I booked tickets for a train to London. Its homegirl time.
We went for drinks, and 'had a few' but got super jolly and giggly and spilled beans which are usually kept firmly tinned. We had a fry up at Joe's, the best greasy spoon in the world, which does exceptional filter coffee and even better mushroom/beans/black pudding/eggs(any kind)/toast/hash browns...you get the picture.
We went ice-skating on New Years Eve in front of the tower of London. I fell over and bashed my bumbone so so badly I walked like a cowboy for days after. But it was great. We shook our fists at a small boy wearing orange that cut everyone up constantly. I have never been more torn between doing the right thing i.e. ignoring him, and TAKING HIM OUT WITH THE BLADE OF MY SKATE. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
When we got back to the crib in Stoke Newington where we were staying we decided a gourmet dinner really was the only option for NYE...we spent £40 on deli produce from Sainsbury’s. Plus a bottle of sparkling plus some ingredients for the cocktail of the night- MOJITOOOOOSSS!!
It was so nice watching the countdown of the TOP TUNES OF 2009, getting ready, makeup after many drinks= interesting.
Whilst we were getting ready Bman was on music video duty, and whilst I was rooting for JLS, Skelskel insisted on Chipmunk.... (I’m sure its Jay from S Club 8)
But there’s a great photo of us all shouting the opening 'WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH' and chipmunking with our hands. This was before we were really drunk!
We went for Mexican bar drinks and made our resolutions...now forgotten...queued for a club that almost certainly wasn’t going to let us in and ended up in a Pub. iT was BrilLIant.
The next morning we officially brought the start of a New Year in by laughing so much that I thought I might wee myself as my friend Hanskel said- 'How did we get home'.....it was exactly what I was thinking, we laughed and laughed.





In hindsight I think we were still drunk.
I <3 Us