'These are my confessions.......'

In the words of the oh so wise RnB artist Usher, these are mine...


here we go....




I. Hate. Medical Students.
i think i obviously have to quantify this, because they surely cant all be bad can they? They aren't. I have some very good friends in the medical school but to be honest, i tend to gravitate towards the non-typical variety of people.
It is so bad that i cringe when i tell people i am a medic..not because I'm not proud to be training to be a doctor, don't get me wrong, i am, immensely, its just that peoples reactions would, i can guarantee you, be better if i said i was a binlady.
Its not an overt reaction; but it generally can be recognised as one of three:
1) 'ohhh, you must be reallllly clever. So much more than me' HOW DO YOU REACT to that??? do you say, 'well, yes actually, and more dedicated to the greater good, and I'm probably more responsible too'? No, you don't. because you have probably just met this person and don't know that. plus also you shouldn't be so bloody arrogant.
2) 'HAHAHAH BAD TIMES 5 YEARS AT UNI!!! do you cut up dead people? whats it like? tell me tell me tell me!!!' thanks for the reminder about all the time and money I'm spending on my course. and actually its 6 YEARS get it right. and yes i do cut up dead people and its actually become quite normal. yes i am a bit weird for saying that.
or
3) they just raise an eyebrow because they have a preformed idea about what you will be like and they want to make a quick exit.
This isn't my problem. I know that. But the thing is with this is, its what I DO when i meet medics.
The reputation medics hold is self perpetuating.
I know medics who have announced that they think medics should be served in bars before other people??!?!? what sort of mentality is that? where even is the LOGIC in that? you re a medical student, you shouldn't be in a bar, get back to your books.
And i know that for a fact, at stage 1) some people would answer that 'yes' they were clever. probably more so than whoever was asking. It is this kind of arrogance that makes the action of 3) almost justified.
Also, medical students think they are more fun than other people. they think they can drink more, they like exclusive socials with only other medics, they form cliques within the medical school that are impenetrable.
I know i need friends who are medics because at the end of next year everyone who i know and love who isnt in my school will leave. i know i need support from people who are doing what im doing and who understand what it is like but i look at my year as a whole and there are decidedly few people who i would let near me with anything more than a pair of tweezers.
I think I'm probably quite snobbish about this- it is unfair to make such sweeping judgements but i cant help myself. I really struggle to think of my class as doctors without muttering a few words to Hippocrates to ensure he spares the patients they encounter from too much insult.
Many of the students in my year were privately schooled, many live at home in or around Manchester, or go home at weekends for washing and nutrition. this is me stating a fact and it is this that helps me understand the mentality of some of them.
I have known it that people come in to our PBL sessions on a morning drunk from the night before, i have overheard it said that people who do life sciences shouldn't use the library in the medical school, despite the fact that there are lectures for many other subjects in the same building.
This is why i am embarrassed. it is the unfounded elitism of a group of people who raise themselves above others based on THEIR interpretation of their own self-importance.
Apart from this being selfish and self-righteous, it is the exact opposite of the characteristics needed within the medical profession...
we are trying to introduce a new breed of medical professionals who have been trained in communication skills, who have had patient contact from the start and understand the dynamic of a ward. Gone (hopefully) are the days of the misogynist consultants, the old boys and their set ways...but all i see is a group of 18-19 year olds who lack the basic humility to realise that their job may be well paid (eventually....) but entails years of dedication, hard work and compassion.

At the start of this year we had the 'you are different from everyone else' lecture. It was one bigging us up. Bigging up our intellect and our potential. It also mentioned professionalism and how we have different responsibilities to everyone else. I think that bit got ignored.


The good medics I know are amazing. They are kind, funny, intelligent and hard-working and i would have (almost) no qualms about any one of them operating on me in a time of need (hippocrates forbid!) I guess these are the people i need to concentrate on.....I also need to concentrate on finding a way of avoiding the 'what course do you do..?' question......


Maybe I'll start hanging out at medic only bars. Its the only solution.

Stuffed.

I am.so.full. Im back in Mtown and i went to dinner with those housemates that are in the country. (screw you boys in canada/ prague..'boohoo im missing my exam'- shutit) Im back in student-mode. eat EVERYTHING you can because you never know when your next meal may be. (entirely an exaggeration. mine will be at 7.30am tomorrow). The cupboards are full too though (thanks mum) and the car was full on the way home as ive tried to half move out to save giving myself a hernia in a few weeks when i actually have to decamp from Number 35....
I have been at home for 3 WHOLE BLISSFUL weeks. I have done practically no work except for a few afternoons in the park with my 'integrated pharmacology' textbook for company. This is a guilty pleasure of mine and it is my internal snob that admits this....i kinda love people looking at me with my textbook sunning myself while all the crusties are dossing around with their circus skills...
Anyway...i think my mother at least would contest that i have not learnt anything- i challenge you with this-
NEVER INJECT VASOCONSTRICTOR DRUGS (epinephrine) into YOUR PENIS FOR FEAR OF GANGRENE. boo yah. i know that fact offf.by.heart. mainly because i sent it as a text to all my friends that would understand it because i thought it was funny.
The easter holidays are actually a horrible invention- They create a false hope of summer even though theres this nagging in the back of your mind reminding you that you have 4 weeks left of lectures and 3 weeks of EXAMS before you can truly bask in the glory of the english summertime.
SO, what have i done in these 3 weeks then? well, been out 3 whole times. Ive (re)discovered that a cider hangover is probably the worst sort of hangover that there is. and (re)drinking on it the next day in order to (re)go out is an awful idea.(except for if going out involves 8 banterous boys. then its a great idea and a lot of fun) Ive been to the dentist- (LUDICRISLY OVERPAID). I re-read a book called 'Trust Me I'm a Junior Doctor' that has re-scared me about my FY1 year.
I got to catch up with my homegirllllssssssssss.
I watched UP. Its my favourite film ever. After The Crimson Pirate. And The Holiday.

So basically, im sat at my desk attempting to digest, checking to see if my timetable has reduced in the 20 minutes since I last checked. It hasnt. 9-5 tomorrow. booooooooo. (yesyes, i know, in the REALLLLLL WORLD everyone does that every day blah blah. well by signing up for uni you expect to bypass the real world for up to 5 years so shhhh!)
At my left hand is my physiology manual. Tomorrow were learning CPR so DONT WORRY if your heart unexpectedly stops in my prescence (after tomo) i will be able to break all your ribs, slobber on your face and hopefully keep it pumping until someone comes along to tell me that you merely fainted.
At my right hand side a bag of ground coffee with extra caffeine (how is that even possible??) that i was given as a gift...i think i may have let slip to the people who gave it to me that my trips to the park werent THAT effective....apart from the gangrene thing.


Im just going to make myself some kind of digestion promoting drink as i feel like a beached whale.

And check my timetable one last time.

So until next time kids, watch where you stick those needles.